A leader must be decisive, cunning, and charismatic. With his perfectly sculpted beard and wise appearance, Michiel is the perfect man. He not only looks like a walking simulacrum of a former Soviet leader, but acts like one too! He does not hesitate to banish the reactionary forces to the notorious gulag of the HIW: the lounge. And you should not be surprised if, after making a subversive comment, the collected works of Karl Marx accidentally crush you in a freak-library- accident. For those who love body and members, it is then therefore important to keep the waters of revolution still. Only then will you reach the gilded gate of NFK paradise, graduation. So let us all chant the golden slogan: one people, one leader, one Michiel! Hoezee, Michiel, hoezee!
Officially, Joëlle is the vice-president, which means that she is just below the president in the hierarchy of power. However, the rumor mill has already begun to run, whispers are shared in the corridors, and we should be grateful that the walls cannot talk. For it is said that the traditional power pyramid has crumbled. Heaven is Hell and all is upside down. Our leader Michiel is no longer in control of anything but vainly waving his arms. He has become a puppet in a show cast in darkness, the strings are wrapped in a thick ash cloud, which is caused by Joëlle’s regular smoking of a whopper of a cigar. She watches while Michiel desperately gesticulates on the CCTV, he’s trapped in a dark room as Joëlle sinks into her black-leather armchair. An evil grin is all we can see. Freedom, Love, and Security are gone. All that is, is Joëlle.
While we can all agree Capitalism is righty the enemy in the eyes of many a philosopher, it is unfortunately still important to have someone wisely managing your money. Therefore, we have Kaat! Even though there’s probably more money in the pocket of the average tramp than in the bank account of NFK, we’re obligated to have a treasurer, and Kaat knows how to keep the perfect balance between poverty and destitution. One day we may have a Swiss account, ten international addresses, and Zizek on speed-dial, but currently NFK’s greatest asset is the sunken interest that’s keeping us all in our classes.
PR: Jonathan, Emma & Liesa
When this trio comes together prepare yourself for an overloaded inbox, a deluge of notifications, two to three telegrams, and on a clear day, smoke signals. Not only does our Public Relations team keep you informed of all NFK events, but when you find yourself lost in a Husserl reading, Jonathan himself will appear as your guide to show you the way out! Like most people who are really into Husserl, coherent sharing of information is not one of his strengths, and so Jonathan is perfectly complemented by the charismatic Liesa, who conjures up words in such a way that you may start calling her Sparknotes. Emma, of course, has an Etsy shop. Feel free to ask her about it! She’ll definitely know what you’re talking about. All in all, spreading information and air- borne diseases is this team’s calling!
Education: Joelle, Elise, Joseph & Rik
In theory, the NFK education team has one of the most important responsibilities in the entire department. By working closely with all HIW professors, they help guide and determine our future curriculum and education. In practice however, these professors are more likely to be debating which act in the Kama Sutra Sartre and Beauvoir didn’t perform. (Since they have already decided that their research is more important than our educations). In other words, the Education team is a sham democratic fantasy that we still play along with. That being said, with tons of experience, Joëlle is more than capable of reminding HIW staff of all relevant facts and numbers during budget proposal meetings. Elise is an expert in quick-witted stichomythia, due to her long history of informing our professors that there is sometimes a very large gap between word and deed. Meanwhile, Joseph and Rik have wisely concerned themselves with bomb-shelter preparations; so that when society needs to be rebuilt, the caste system at the HIW can finally be shuffled fairly.
BreadMeal: Marie, Ian & Liesa
It’s no secret that the HIW lounge smells, but did you know that every Friday by 15.00, the smell is way worse? Come before that odious odor reaches its zenith and share in what is lovingly called, BreadMeal. Though it sounds like a duck’s wet- dream, it is in actuality nobody’s wet-dream. Or at least we hope not. Under the wings of the kind-hearted Marie, every Friday around noon a feast will be prepared! Boasting a fine assortment of bread, Liesa, with her jovial appearance, will make sure everybody knows that this week they have both white and wheat. Ian completes this fellowship of the grain, and together the three form a team that has garnered critical acclaim such as: “a bit dry” and “so it’s really just bread?”. As a true tip though, the bread meal is an excellent way to get a cheap lunch on Friday. (They have sandwich ingredients).
CUDI: Elisa, Anna, Seven
When your grades start slipping because your professors are dodging all of Toledo-related emails, look no further than the CUDI. The Cudi, located in the lounge of the HIW, is where you can purchase important items such as NFK sweaters, Cantus Codexes, and the less important items such as course readers. If you get stressed when shopping, have no fear because the calm voice of Elisa will steady your nerves while Anna’s exuberant enthusiasm will keep you confused long enough for her to fill your shopping cart with a few more books then you initially wanted. Seven’s sympathetic appearance makes this trio complete, so when you see this group next year just remember, they’re stuck in the stinky lounge while you’re breathing fresh-air. So when they don’t give you exact change, remain patient.
Culture: Lukas, Glen, Jelger
Philosophy students often pretend that they have a strong cultural background and knowledge, but many do not go beyond what amounts to meaningless name-dropping. Fortunately for us, our three cultural representatives go beyond such barbaric practices! Lukas is a true cinephile, who will never shy away from expressing his love of all films. (Whether they’re in the professional or amateur categories). Next is Glen, who with his critical eye, knows how to fathom our metaphysical cultural-substructure without ending up in a pseudo-philosophical quagmire. And since you can’t spell culture without creation, our resident artist Jelger is always ready to stir the pot of revolution with his gorgeous macaroni- jewelry and quixotic finger painting.
Fakbar: Abheer, Elise, Michiel, Tom, Thibault.
After a long and blissful period of willful ignorance and financial mismanagement, the M-Café shut down, and with it, our Fakbar. At first we were going to cry and drink in a corner, but then we remembered our bottles of NFKara are still in the basement of the M-Museum, where we are no longer welcome. Thankfully, all good heists need a motley crew and we have just the team with Abheer, Elise, Michiel, Tom, and Thibault. A description of them would be superfluous, but you should know that the Femme Fatale archetype on the team is not Elise. (She’s more of the George Clooney). And as a gentle reminder, please do not ask any of them where and when the next Fakbar will take place. The truth is they have no idea, and a certain abandoned construction site is looking more and more promising as the days go on.
Social: Abheer, Ruel, Remzi, Seven
For all you low-key cats, look no further than the organization known only as, SOCIAL. Named like a James Bond villain, this shadowy group of four dedicates their lives to hosting informal gathering events where absolutely zero Satanic worship occurs! Why do I have to specify that? Come to one of their game-nights and you’ll find out! Leading them is Abheer, a man known for his classic complaints like, “I drank so much at the Fakbar last night” and “No seriously, you don’t have to kill an innocent just to join SOCIAL”. While that last quote may be true on paper, Two-Life-Sentences Ruel will strongly disagree. Remzi and Seven, both noted practitioners of the Dark Arts, also serve the unholy entity whose true name is so terrible that we can only print it here as…SOCIAL.
Sports: Joseph, Ewout
For most of us, running a marathon seems as unthinkable as a second date with Vergouwen. Even walking down the drive of the HIW can lead to sweaty armpits and heavy breathing. (Not unlike a date with Vergouwen). But since we’ve all made our peace with not breaking world records, it’s always inspiring to see two students who haven’t come to grips with their complete athletic ineptitude. Joseph and Ewout therefore have undertaken a task which would make Sisyphus jealous. They’ve promised to throw balls, punches, and insults at our heads until we realize that spending hours in the library is not a guarantee for eudaimonia. Their mission? Make sure we can move, walk, and dance our way to the nearest bar or night shop.
Volunteers: Robin, Luca, Felien
The first to dump the bodies and the last whose bodies will need to be dumped, this triple threat is literally that. Endangered! Volunteering has never looked so good with… Felien! (She’s not their leader, just first alphabetically). She’s a dynamite NFK guest-star who once unknowingly ate a hot-wing that had been dropped on the floor. Sorry you had to find out this way, Felien! Next up is Luca. While technically he doesn’t even go to KU Leuven, we can’t seem to get rid of him! This man has the looks of an underwear model and the personality of underwear. Our final volunteer is Robin. Too many jokes can be made about her last name so we’re limiting ourselves to only making fun of her middle, DeBallsAnd. She really lucked out.
Party: Dennis, Jade, Ruud, Gil, Ian
In charge of all events fun, this quintet of festive animals are constantly on high-alert for the next great gathering! Whether they’ve found it or created it, when your pager lights up with a notification from the NFK Party team, you better answer it! Heading up the pack as their fearless leader is Jade, a fun-loving free-spirited rabble- rouser, she’s sure to get the momentum going on the dance floor when she steps onto the scene in her 23-cm stilettos. But as sweet as she is, it’s all counterbalanced by Dennis’s spice. With the cold dead eyes of a serial-killer, you know it’s not a party until Dennis busts out his skin collection. Gil and Ruud of course do not kill people. And lastly, sporting the cap of a qizard is Ian! As clever as his eyebrows are sharp, this handsome devil will pour you a drink and then regale you with all of his sexual kinks! (He has a lot!)
Dewijzer: Anna, Emma, Thibualt, Skyler
As agents of the free-academic-press, the De Wijzer team works intimately with immortal freedom fighters such as The Man Who Killed Hitler, Robespierre, and Mac DeMarco (who has yet to respond to several photographs we left in his DMs). The first of us to drink from the Fountain of Youth, our leader Thibault. A man whose jawline is the only thing stronger than his moral compass, Thibault prefers not to sleep at night because, and I quote, “that’s when the voices start”. Anna, the second of us to sip the sap of the World-Tree, has remarkably few health problems for someone who frequently ingests sap. Emma, our third, was cursed at birth and consequently, is haunted by the knowledge of all events past, present, and yet to come. Lastly Skyler has a message he’d like published: “Mr. DeMarco, if you are reading this please delete the photos I sent you. They were taken hastily, and are not a good representation of all I can bring to the table”.